Life will throw us curve balls on a regular basis, and if we are fortunate enough to lean in to them we will stretch and grow into more evolved versions of ourselves. Lessons in humility and gratitude are ones that many people prefer to avoid, and I believe this is a mistake.
Recently, I spent several hours virtually with a friend and colleague I hadn’t been in touch with for several years. We had worked together on a few projects in the past, but once they were complete we simply drifted away from one another and back to what we were doing in our respective lives.
It happens. But it doesn’t have to be this way and the relationships we build and nurture with like-minded people are worth maintaining. It’s like starting a garden and abandoning it once you’ve achieved your initial goal: You’ll always wish you had put in the time and effort to see it through to its true potential.
On this day, my colleague had a new idea she wanted to share with me. But first, we spent some time catching each other up on our lives and what had occurred during the past several years. Talk of the pandemic always seems to come first, but is now reduced to a few sentences. Then there’s family, health, and business. Again, this doesn’t take too long to share and discuss.
Finally, and only if you’re fortunate enough to be speaking with someone who truly understands how life works, you’ll move on to the most important discussion you will ever have with another human being… Lessons in humility and gratitude they have learned and are now applying to their life in new and different ways than they had ever previously thought possible.
I told her about the people and pets I had lost over the past few years. I shared that I had now taken my writing beyond creating blog posts, short reports, and non-fiction books to writing scripts and screenplays with the goal of getting representation with an agent and selling my work professionally.
She told me about her new exercise and fitness routine with a personal trainer, and how her husband had been reluctant at first to join in, but now looked forward to this three mornings a week. She also shared that her one-hundred four year old mother-in-law was now living with them and how honored they were to be able to serve her and get to know her better.
Then I asked her about a topic seldom discussed by anyone… fear. I wanted to know what she was most afraid of in her life and how she was approaching her fears.
Fear… Reasons We’re Afraid to Ask for Help
Struggles and obstacles are a part of life that everyone deals with at some point or another throughout life. As an introvert, I used to think I was more inclined to be fearful than those who are more open and gregarious, but that isn’t true at all.
Some people know the benefits of asking for help, yet others hold themselves back and suffer silently. Whether you are struggling in your professional or personal life, not asking for the help you need can be detrimental to your success. Here are three reasons why you may be afraid to ask for help.
Pride Stands in the Way
People who are independent by nature tend to struggle when it comes to asking for help when they really need it because they believe they should do everything themselves. Often, this can become a detriment to them and others around them who are dependent on them.
While independence is a great trait to have, the pride that comes with it can get in the way of getting things accomplished promptly. It may take you twice as long to solve a problem as it would if you asked for help. It may be honorable to be independent; however, you may be hurting yourself more than you realize when you let pride stand in the way.
Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection is a big reason people ask others for help when they need it. These people are so wrapped up in their concern that they convince themselves that everyone will say “no” to whatever they ask, so it is better not to ask in the first place.
By not asking for help because you believe the other person will reject you, you tell them you do not think they care enough to help. This shows an insecurity that will keep you from accomplishing your goals and keep others from connecting with you on a closer level.
Fear of Being Exposed As an Imposter
Imposter syndrome is a phrase used to describe people who go through their lives doing what needs to be done, all the while feeling they will be exposed as a fraud. They may be having success, but they think it is more luck than any real skill or knowledge that has gotten them thus far.
This fear of feeling like an imposter can grow to a point where it is difficult to ask others for help because they may be exposed. This fear can have detrimental effects on a person’s personal and professional life because they cannot ask others for help.
Thought leader Adam Grant, bestselling author of Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things has this to say on this topic…
Impostor syndrome is not a clue that you’re unqualified. It’s a sign of hidden potential. When you think others are overestimating you, it’s more likely that you’re underestimating yourself. Others have an outside view. They can see capacity for growth that’s not yet visible to you.
Overall, when you get into a situation where you need help but hesitate, you may be experiencing one of the above reasons. Overcoming these fears and insecurities can help you move into the life you have always wanted for yourself.
Why Are We So Afraid of Failure?
You want to take that risk to quit your current job and work the job of your dreams. You really do, but you are too afraid that you will fail if you do. So why are you so scared of failing that you let it hold you back? Facing this fear provides lessons in humility and gratitude. Keep reading to learn more about why you are so afraid of failure.
It’s Part of Human Nature
First and foremost, fear is part of human nature. No matter who you are, you have something you are afraid of, and for most people, this includes failing. Additionally, people who are afraid of similar things, like asking for help, or embarrassment, might be afraid of failing because it leads to these two things.
It takes a lot of work to overcome this fear because it is deeply ingrained. But it is possible, so don’t write off your fear just yet.
You Learned to Be Afraid as a Child
Maybe your parents scolded you terribly when you made a mistake. While they may not have realized it then, this is negative reinforcement of failure. Instead of punishing you for doing something wrong, they should let you learn your lesson and move on.
Either way, those patterns from being a child are now deeply ingrained in your psyche. You can overcome this fear by recognizing that the punishments you experienced as a kid are not what you will experience now. If you still struggle to overcome these fears, you may need to talk to a professional.
You’re a Perfectionist
No matter how much you wish for something to be perfect, it never will be. It’s time to let go of your perfectionism when it comes to failure. This will be very difficult if you are a true perfectionist. Remember that failure is a normal part of life and that you shouldn’t take any failure personally. These lessons in humility and gratitude are priceless.
You can also remind yourself that you don’t have to be perfect on the first try. Even if you fail the first time around, you may master the activity or job with perfection the second time around. Either way, don’t let your perfectionism keep you from what you want to achieve in life.
It’s perfectly normal to be afraid of failure. After all, it’s in your blood. There are other reasons you may be afraid of failure, too, such as events that happened in your childhood or because you are a perfectionist. Don’t let either of these things hold you back, as the only way to success is by overcoming your fear of failure and taking a step into the unknown.
Why You Need to Take Risks to Succeed
Taking a risk is scary. Especially because you have no idea how things will turn out, and there’s always a big chance that things won’t work out at all. However, the reality is you absolutely must take risks to succeed. Keep reading to find out why.
You’ll Miss Out on Opportunities
Every time you take a risk, you open the doors to new opportunities that wouldn’t appear without risk. If you never take a risk, you may never get the opportunity to do some amazing things.
An example of this would be wanting to quit your job to start a business but being too scared to give up a steady income. However, if you were to take the risk, you would have plenty of hours during the day to seek out customers and be exposed to opportunities that you would otherwise miss sitting in your office job.
You’ll Gain Confidence
A major aspect of achieving success is being confident in yourself and your abilities. Is your confidence lacking a little bit? Well, taking some risks in your life can help with this. Although you may not always land on your feet, when you do, you’ll learn a lot about yourself in the process and gain lots of valuable confidence in your abilities in the area of learning lessons in humility and gratitude.
Even if the risk doesn’t go well, you can always give yourself a confident pat on the back, knowing you tried your best!
You Learn Lessons
As mentioned multiple times, you can fail when you take a risk. Even if this happens to you, this is actually a good thing because you will learn some valuable lessons when this happens.
The lessons you learn from failure will help you grow wiser and stronger and make better decisions in the future. Plus, now you know one way how not to succeed.
Playing it Safe is the Same as Doing Nothing
You’ll never pursue your dreams by sitting on the couch doing nothing. And if you are too afraid to take risks, this is the same thing as doing nothing. Resolve to step out of your comfort zone right away, take a risk, and get moving towards that goal you have always wanted to achieve.
Are you ready to start achieving success in your life? It’s time to start the process by taking a risk. Even if the risk doesn’t end well, you’ll open yourself up to opportunity, confidence, and learning new lessons—all of which are good things that will inevitably lead you to success.
I’m author, publisher, marketer, and online entrepreneur Connie Ragen Green, continually learning and sharing lessons in humility and gratitude with my community and facing my fears head on each day.
Leave a Reply