For most of my life, I was the poster child for limiting beliefs. If you researched that term, there was a photo of me. The look on my face said it all… “I was never enough.” Then I decided to take full responsibility for my life and everything began to slowly but steadily turn around for me. Let’s take a look at some limiting beliefs that destroy your self-confidence.
Holding onto limiting beliefs destroys your self-confidence and creates havoc with your self-esteem. Look at the following limiting beliefs and then replace them with empowering beliefs. Learn to reframe the things you say to yourself by looking at the opposite. For example, “I cannot learn because I am not smart becomes… It may take me extra time, but I will find a way to learn the things I need in my life.” Let’s look at the main limiting beliefs that are destroying your self-confidence.
Do you constantly think about your physical body in terms of what you weigh or how you look? Do you feel everyone is judging you, and this weakens your self-confidence when you are around people? This may happen frequently when you try to make new friends or find a partner. Your belief could be wrong. The issue might be how you present yourself to people and the vibration you give off. People are more sensitive to what they “feel” about someone rather than how they look.
When you go out, notice how people you consider overweight or average-looking still have friends or partners. That is because of what that particular person thinks of themselves and projects an air of confidence. They do not hold the limiting belief about their looks. This is a limiting belief you can change today.
People look to alter their states in many ways, and most of them are negative such as overeating or doing some form of drugs or alcohol. They are looking for happiness. The good news for you is that happiness is a state of mind that can be created without using anything that will cause you harm. The first step is to decide that you deserve to be happy and empower yourself to work on this.
Happiness can be created in many ways, starting with giving yourself to others and looking to be grateful for any little thing in your life. You have things in your life that others are missing right now, such as good food and a place to live. Be confident that you create the state of your mind, whether it is depression or happiness. You make the right choice by believing you can be happy and then taking the actions to back it up.
It may sound paradoxical, but according to researcher Jason Colquitt and his colleagues, people who tend to trust others at work score higher on a range of measure than those who don’t, from job performance to commitment to the team. And since we know that it’s our relationships—particularly with our bosses and colleagues—that determine how happy and successful we are as our careers progress, it may be worth asking some new questions. Instead of, “How can I improve?” the better question might be, “How can I start seeing more of the good in people, more often?”
Being worthy is a belief many people struggle with. You must believe you are worthy of love and receive that love by giving all your love to others. Remember that you are worthy of good things coming into your life. When your mind is cluttered with the thought of “I don’t deserve good things to happen to me; that only happens to other people,” your subconscious mind will work in the background to make that come true. It will believe that you do not want good things to happen, that you enjoy misery. Install the belief that you are worthy of good things and do not wait.
Have the confidence to go out into the world and find the things you want in your life. We all get rejected at some point in our life. To hold the fear that you will always be rejected no matter what will destroy your self-confidence. You may have a dream job that you want to go after, but you fear being rejected by the Human Resources department and decide not to try. When this happens more than once, it erodes your self-confidence, and you may choose to give up and stay at a job you hate.
This describes what happened to me when I left my job as a classroom teacher and my work in real estate, in favor of starting a business online. I allowed myself to feel rejected by the group of business savvy people I began meeting. It wasn’t until I realized what I was doing that I turned things around by creating empowering beliefs and actions and let go of my limiting beliefs.
Fear of rejection is something you may also feel in relationships. You find someone who seems to be perfect, but the fear of taking it to the next level with them impacts your self-confidence. Instead of moving forward, you may self-sabotage the relationship by doing or saying something that causes it to end. Create the belief that you will succeed and end the fear of rejection.
Do you have big dreams? Is there something unique you want to do with your life but internally, you keep telling yourself that it won’t work out, so why even bother to try? When you squash any attempt to go for your dreams, your self-confidence takes a hit. As your self-confidence drops, it impacts other areas such as going out and making new friends or what you are currently doing in your job. You may find that the phone calls you used to make at work become much more challenging, or talking to clients becomes a tense moment rather than a pleasant interaction. Work solidly on fulfilling your dreams and believe that you can do it.
Creating Empowering Beliefs To Achieve Your Goals
Before you can create new empowering beliefs for your goals, you need to identify the limiting beliefs you currently hold. Take the time to think about your goals, and then write a list of beliefs holding you back. Do this for all your goals:
- Personal Development
- Career or Business
- Spiritual or Religious
- Relationships of all kinds
- Physical and Health
As you go through the list, you may have one limiting belief in financial goals and find that you have three that need work in relationships. Each category is going to be different. Once you have your list written out, you need to reframe the limiting belief to take away its power over you.
Reframing a limiting belief is backed by neuroscience and studies on how the brain works. You start by looking at one limiting belief and acknowledging it exists without giving it power. Understand that it is not a true belief because you have not found any solid evidence to prove it true.
The next step is rejecting that belief and verbalizing that it is the false belief that you inherited along the pathway of growing up. You reject it and tell that belief that it is going to be replaced with an empowering belief.
We’ll take one limiting belief from relationships and go through all the steps you need to do from the categories. The steps are the same, no matter what category and limiting beliefs you want to change to empowering.
Let’s use the example of “I cannot attract anyone because I am overweight.” This is a false belief, and you can empower yourself by looking at a time when you “know” someone was attracted to you, but circumstances other than your weight caused them to avoid a relationship. Perhaps they were already in a relationship. You can also look at examples of people you know either in person or have seen in celebrity life that attracted the person of their dreams despite being overweight.
We can use different ways to reframe, and today we will look at doing an external reframe. Here you would write down, “I can find the person of my dreams because I see that many people have amazing relationships, despite the weight. Some people are attracted to people who are full framed.”
Once you have introduced yourself to the reframe, you need to give it more power. You start by allowing it time to gain a foothold in your mind and do few extra things to help it along, such as anchoring and affirmations. You want to strengthen your new empowering belief, and you can start by anchoring the new belief so that it stays solid in your mind. Anchoring a new empowering belief starts with these steps:
- Start by remembering a time when you were confident about your body. If you tell yourself that you have never been confident in how you look and attract people, then create a movie in your head where you are confident about your body. We still don’t understand how the brain works; however, in this case, we do know that the brain cannot tell the difference between something that happened or something that you imagined vividly. Think about the new empowering belief, and then get a great image of your confidence in your body now.
- You need to choose a physical anchor such as touching your right index finger to your right thumb or making a fist and tapping the palm of your left hand.
- Start visualizing you being confident in your current body and get a lot of positive emotion into it. Once you hit the top of your positive emotion and you are feeling amazing, trigger your anchor by doing the finger touch or fist tap.
- Now, allow yourself to come back to a neutral state and then repeat the process.
- Repeat doing this process until the only part you need is triggering your anchor. You don’t have to visualize anything, just touch the fingers or tap the fist and instantly feel attractive to others.
The final steps are creating positive affirmations around the new and empowering beliefs you have for your goals. As you say the affirmations, make sure to have plenty of conviction in your voice. Keep doing this process, and it will condition your mind to accept the new empowering beliefs as the truth.
How To Reframe Your Negative Thoughts And Limiting Beliefs
The idea of reframing may be new to you. It is part of cognitive-behavioral therapy. While there are trained Cognitive Behavorial (CBT) Therapists for those with severe emotional issues, the idea of reframing can be used by anyone to change negative thinking and limiting beliefs.
We can be in control of our emotions and what particular events mean to us. For example, we can choose to be sad when a relationship breaks up or choose to be happy as we recognize that person was not right for us, and we are free to someone more suited for a relationship.
Certain tribes in the world practice the idea that you do not cry when a loved one dies. Instead, you laugh and rejoice while remembering all the wonderful times that you spent with that person.
Before you reframe, you need to be fully aware of the types of negative thoughts and beliefs that you have. Spend time thinking about this and write it out. Once that is done, you can go through the following steps. You need to fully understand what has to happen for you to have a negative thought. Everyone has different triggers for negative thinking.
While hearing that someone has been talking negatively about you triggers anger, this might trigger amusement for someone else. Those who feel amused are confident in who they are and outside negative talk holds no meaning for them. Write out what makes you aware that you will be thinking negatively and put down anything that happens physically. Do you start to sweat, does your heart rate goes up, or do you feel instant tension in your neck and head?
Children ask questions constantly. Do you ever question why you feel a certain way about a negative experience or when you have a limiting belief? The more you understand how your emotions are triggered and what thoughts occur, it will be easier to work on reframing those consistent negative thoughts. Let’s start with an example such as you have the limiting belief that everyone at work dislikes you. If you have that belief, you will have constant negative thoughts and may get angry, sad, frustrated, and feel the physical effects of stress when you go to work.
The best approach is to ask yourself if this belief is really true or is it imagined. What proof do you have to back this belief up? Play detective and gather all the facts. Ask yourself if having that belief and the negative self-talk that comes with it; is helpful to you, or does it drag you down? How will it affect you in the long term if you continue to hold onto these thoughts? When you do this, you may experience emotional pain, and this shows that you need to change those negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, or you will be doing major long-term damage to your emotional self.
Reframing your limiting belief that someone or multiple people at work do not like you starts by reframing how you feel about yourself. You could reframe it this by saying to yourself, “I like myself, and because I like myself, I project my positive vibes out, and others feel it and respond back positively.”
Understand that the negative thoughts you have in your head influence your physical body. When you think you are not liked, you will slump, breathe shallow, and your face will project unhappiness. People around you will pick up on those physical cues and the negative vibrations. This may influence what they say or do in regards to being near you.
Start working today on reframing your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. Once you do that, move on to installing new and empowering beliefs and strengthen them daily.
“We are kept from our goal, not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal.” ~ Robert Brault
I’m Connie Ragen Green, becoming proficient at reframing my negative thoughts, letting go of limiting beliefs, and moving forward by creating empowering beliefs. Come along with me, to a world where everything is possible and living up to your full potential is achieved through grace and ease.